General Mills, manufacturer of such beloved cereals as Chex, Lucky Charms and Wheaties, has hit a home run (in our eyes) with its latest branding effort for Cheerios.

Never ones to shy away from showcasing diversity (over at Slate Mark Stern calls them the “anti-Chick-fil-A”), they’ve gone beyond all previous efforts by featuring adorable gay dads André and Jonathan.

And you’re likely to fall in love with them as they talk about falling in love with each other and their even more adorable son Raphaelle.

Their inspiration for adopting? “We couldn’t keep all this luck to ourselves.” Cue collective aww.

Though by that logic, every time the bus comes right when I get to the stop, I’d be adding another lamb to the flock.

Here’s the crazy cute ad:

Traffic in Austin, Texas was absolutely insane yesterday afternoon, thanks to at least four naked men who were clogging the roadways with explicit sexual performances.

This was the breaking news out of Time Warner’s own News Austin station around 6pm last night, which tweeted out the vital information with four sexy gay porn photos (one selfie) with the caption “TRAFFIC: Your 5:12 p.m. update. Too many!”

No! Not enough!

(Go here for a much better screenshot)

The hilarious misstep was obviously the work of a horny production assistant with terrible multitasking skills, though Time Warner would probably prefer you believed they were “hacked” or something.

Perhaps the most offensive thing about the entire situation is TWC News Austin’s asinine response, which refers to the material at hand as “offensive”:

We sincerely apologize for an earlier tweet which contained offensive content. We are investigating what happened.

— TWC News Austin (@TWCNewsAustin) October 8, 2014

These kind of mishaps are actually quite common, and unfortunately, the ensuing apologies are always full of puritanical shame and disgrace. “Unfortunate,” “explicit,” “irrelevant,” maybe. But offensive? Offensive to whom?

You’d think a studio full of educated (?), well-written (?) journalists (?) would be able to come up with better language than that.

When people ask us where the most interesting, provocative, creating and dazzling drag is happening, we used to say, “oh man, you’ve gotta check out this performer named Killer.”

But we’re going to be at a loss to answer that question now that we’ve learned about the far, far, far too early passing of Killer and her creator, Ryan Rorie, from natural causes last month.

We didn’t know Killer personally, but we photographed her a few times when Trannyshack came to L.A., and she was always the highlight of the show, from her music selections to her wardrobe to her obscure queer-culture references and her sheer presence before a crowd. Losing her is an unbearable loss for the city’s drag culture, not to mention to her fans, family, and friends.

We asked a few of Killer’s friends how they remember her. Here’s what they had to say.

Devan M

How did you first meet and become friends?

Ben Hobson had everyone in tears with the emotional coming out story he shared on YouTube earlier this year.

In a video, Hobson explained how his mother died when he was just 19. Three months later he married his wife and they produced two children together. Over time, he developed a drinking a problem. After getting sober, he realized the root of his unhappiness: He had been living a lie.

The video quickly went viral, garnering more than half a million views and making the 25-year-old an instant internet celebrity. We even included him on our 10 Great Coming Outs Of 2014 And It’s Only June list last summer.

Now, the video, as well as Hobson’s Facebook and Tumblr pages, have all been mysteriously deleted. This morning, a source close to Queerty sent us a series of screenshots allegedly taken from Hobson’s Tumblr page before it was deleted.

The screenshots show what appear to be a diary entry, in which Hobson allegedly claims to have mistaken a “bromance” with his best friend for “gay feelings.” He admits to “fooling around” with the guy, but now claims he was simply “confused” about his feelings and that he “might not be gay after all.”

Here are the screenshots pieced together so you can read the statement in full:

Queerty was unable to verify if these screenshots were, indeed, from Hobson’s deleted Tumblr page. Interestingly, his Twitter page remains active and still lists him as a “gay dad”:

UPDATE: Hobson has addressed the rumor on his Facebook page. Beneath a photo of Josh Hutcherson and a quote from the actor about not ruling out being attracted to a man in the future, Hobson wrote:

Probably going to get a lot of hate for this one but…I am discovering that I like girls more than guys. I “fooled around” with a guy while drunk a year ago and thought that meant I MUST be gay. Turns out my judgement was wrong. My mom must’ve passed down her bipolar genes onto me, but to a whole other level Either way, I was tired of 30,000 people on YouTube looking up to me for someone I wasn’t. The one thing I still am and always will be is a great dad. That is what I’m meant for in life, and that is what I value most. #sexualityisfluid

Related stories:

Sexy Married Father Of Two Comes Out In Powerful New Video

Tom Daley, Anderson Cooper, Jim McGreevey & More: Seven “Straight” Men Who Came Out Of The Closet

18 Percent Of Grindr Users Are Still In The Closet, Six Percent Will Never Come Out

British reality babe Charlie King has come out as gay, telling ITV’s This Morning hosts Phillip Schofield and Amanda Holden that he feels “positive” about being able to open up about his sexuality.

“Our stories will help people, there is a way out. You are not alone,” he said in a live interview this morning. “I want to be a positive person, telling people ‘you can do this.'”

Charlie rose to fame opposite Dan Osborne on The Only Way Is Essex, a half-scripted British reality show often described as the UK’s Jersey Shore. We don’t have the luxury of tuning in from America, but according to the Daily Mail, Charlie’s sexuality has been a topic of conversation on the show constantly.

Charlie revealed he first came out to Gemma Collins, the TOWIE co-star he briefly dated while filming. “I had a girlfriend, she was the first person I spoke to and told,” he said. “It was a proper relationship but I was very aware when I was seeing her thing weren’t quite right. If something doesn’t click, it doesn’t click.”

Charlie’s co-star Ferne McCann became one the first to congratulate him after coming out. He’s received overwhelming praise and acceptance from the public all day:

I am very proud of you @CharlieKing85 Your braveness will encourage others to be who they want to be! ????????????

— Ferne McCann (@fernemccann) October 9, 2014

Most importantly, Charlie recently modeled underwear in a campaign for UK-based underwear retailer BANG+STRIKE. Looks like we have a new British boyfriend to keep track of:

And check out one more he did for Bang Lads, which is far too sexy for us to show you here.

Check out a clip from the full interview below:

David Bowie has some pretty big, pretty extra-terrestrially bedazzled shoes to fill, but Jessica Lange did a pretty honorable job slipping into them on last night’s American Horror Story premiere.

Show creator Ryan Murphy has revealed that due to demand the track, which Lange performs as freak show proprietor Elsa Mars, will soon be available to download on iTunes. He has a little bit of experience in this arena, as any Glee fan will tell you.

He also hinted at other musical numbers we have to look forward to on this season of AHS.  He said Jessica’s Lana Del Rey cover is, “something to behold,” and Kurt Cobain will be featured in a musical homage. We’ve also got it on good authority that Sarah Pauley will give us a mean Fiona Apple performance next week.

Here’s Jessica getting glammy to Bowie’s “Life on Mars”:

How many more signs does the right wing need to realize that the battle to stop marriage equality is a lost cause. Here’s one more: West Virginia has decided not to fight a challenge to its marriage ban, paving the way for weddings to start in the state soon.

The reason for the decision is the Supreme Court’s refusal on Monday to consider any of the federal cases striking down marriage bans. Among those was Virginia’s. Since West Virginia is covered by the same federal circuit court as Virginia, the ruling extends to it as well. The West Virginia suit was filed a year ago. 

“While we disagree with the Supreme Court’s decision to allow the 4th Circuit’s opinion to stand and believe it improperly displaces state and local decision-making, we will respect it,” state Attorney General Patrick Morrisey said in a statement.

For political purposes, West Virginia is Alabama, but further north. After all, this is the state in the Democratic primary voters in 2008 expressed their doubts about Barack Obama solely because he’s black.

So if the antigay right can’t hold the line in West Virginia, where can they hold it? The answer is ultimately nowhere.

The only thing running in the right’s favor these days is Justice Anthony Kennedy’s poor typing skills. As it turns out, Kennedy never intended to issue a temporary stay for marriage equality in both Nevada and Idaho. Since Nevada isn’t contesting the challenge, Kennedy meant only to give Idaho a chance to respond before the inevitable occurs. Now he says that including Nevada was just a goof. Marriages can start soon in Nevada after all.

Let’s hope for better proofreading in his next ruling.

Imagine being in the same room as your favorite adult film stars and being invited to touch them. How would you respond? Would you be shy or bold enough to grope them? Maybe you’d kiss them on the lips or, ahem, lick their feet? In a promotional video/sociological experiment made to tout the Barcelona Erotic Show that took place last week, several folks took advantage of this unusual opportunity and all sorts of reactions took place.

Watch the touching video below.

We regular folks aren’t the only ones digging through old boxes of snapshots or combing through old floppy discs to find photos to post online in celebration of Throwback Thursday, celebrities are doing it, too. Here are a few of our favorites today.

Andy Cohen

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Throw THIS back! Me and my girl Jeanne Messing rocking it out at a dance in 1983. Looks like I went with a maroon sweater….

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Mario Lopez  

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#TBT hangin out with Clooney back in ’96… Was super cool then & is still a nice, cool guy. View on Instagram 

Barbra Streisand

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  Barbra w/ John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Ringo Starr. John was a romantic. He said one of his and Yoko’s favorite movies was The Way We Were !! #tbt   View on Instagram

Divine (or whoever is running Divine’s official Instagram account)

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Divine dressed as Elizabeth Taylor for a school Halloween party with his date Diana Evans #divine #elizabethtaylor

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Robbie Rogers

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Lay off me I’m starving. View on Instagram

Elvira (with Lady Bunny and Lypsinka)

#TBT Having a gay ol’ time in 1991 with @imladybunny @Lypsinka and Dan Mathews #throwbackthursday pic.twitter.com/z56hDm5A6v

— Elvira (@TheRealElvira) October 9, 2014

Joe Jonas

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  #TBT I’m now a vintage wine.   View on Instagram

Tom Brady (in 1994)

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of closet doors being busted down all across America.

From NFLer Michael Sam to actress Ellen Page to the vegetable Kale, 2014 has offered up no shortage of great coming out moments. In anticipation for National Coming Out Day — which happens each year on October 11 — we’ve compiled a list of ten more great coming out stories from this year. And with three months left in 2014, we’re sure there will be many more to come.

Scroll down to see our picks.

Federico Díaz

The Latin heartthrob came out in May by posting a note to his Twitter account. “The day has come!” wrote the Uruguayan actor/model. “Only God knows when and how. I only let myself be guided. I feel that God has awarded me with homosexuality.”

Yes, thank you, God!

Lauren Morelli and Samira Wiley

The Orange is the New Black writer made headlines this year when she announced writing for the show had made her realize she’s a lesbian. But it gets even juicer because Morelli also announced that she was leaving left her husband of two years for actress Samira Wiley, who plays Poussey on the hit series.

Kristian Nairn

The Game of Thrones actor/bear magnet came out in March during an interview with Game of Thrones fan site WinterIsComing. “It’s a very small part of who I am on the whole,” 38-year-old Nairn said, “but nonetheless, in this day and age, it’s important to stand up and be counted.”

Derrick Gordon

Derrick Gordon made history in April when he became the first openly gay male NCAA Division 1 basketball player. Gordon told ESPN that he was inspired to come out to his family, coaches, and teammates after watching the overwhelmingly positive reaction to Jason Collins becoming the first openly gay man in the NBA.

And the crowd went wild.

Vicky Beeching

The Christian rocker came out in August, telling an interviewer: “What Jesus taught was a radical message of welcome and inclusion and love. I feel certain God loves me just the way I am, and I have a huge sense of calling to communicate that to young people.”

Amen, sister!

Sen. Jim Ferlo

Pennsylvania Senator Jim Ferlo formally announced that he is gay last month while speaking at a rally in support of updating the state’s hate crime law. Said he: “I never felt I had to wear a billboard on my forehead. But I’m gay. Get over it. I love it. It’s a great life.”

Adam Joseph

The hunky Philadelphia meteorologist made national news in August when he told TV viewers he and his partner, Karl, had become fathers. Reporting live from the hospital where they first held their newborn baby boy, Joseph said the couple were “ready to spoil him with unconditional love.”

Djuan Trent

Fueled by a federal judge’s decision to recognize out-of-state same-sex marriages in Kentucky, former Miss Kentucky 2010 Djuan Trent took to her blog to publicly announce she identifies as queer. “I struggled with the decision of whether or not it was necessary to ‘come out,’ ” she wrote, but “over the past few years, we have seen many celebrities and public figures open up and take this step… I would love to one day live in a society where coming out is no longer necessary because we don’t make assumptions about one another’s sexuality and homophobia is laid to rest.”

James Richardson

“I’m a senior GOP spokesman, and I’m gay,” said former spokesman and adviser for the Republican National Committee, James Richardson. “Let me get married.” The conservative Georgian decided to come out last month in hopes of moving the needle on Republican opposition to same-sex marriage, especially in light of Louisiana’s marriage ban having recently been deemed “constitutional” by a federal judge.

Hayden Smith and his mom

Last month, a hidden camera video uploaded by teenager Hayden Smith coming out to his mom went viral. The first five minutes are your typical awkward teen sexuality conversation (not bad, just awkward), but at around the 5:15 mark, his mom drops a bomb of her own: “I’ve had a girlfriend,” she says. “It goes both ways, you know? And I was always worried about what you would think.” Naturally, a tender mother-son hug ensured.

Related stories:

10 Great Coming Outs Of 2014 And It’s Only June

16 Of The Best And Worst Coming Out Stories From Anonymous Sharing App “Whisper”

12 Toothsome Cakes And Cards For Coming Out Of The Closet

These are some of the best costume parties from sunny California to the snow-capped Alps. Be sure to check out the GayCities’ Halloween Guide to get in on all the events and ghoul parties near you.

New Orleans: Descent

New Orleans is usually hotter than hell, and it’s going to stay that way until Halloween. Halloween XXX is one of the cities biggest celebrations, and Descent, a smoldering party based on Dante’s “seductive and riotous” journey through hell, is its penultimate party. The risque and riotous costumes abound are sure to cause the house to swell and maybe even burst at its seams.

New York City: Matinee Halloween

All Saints’ Day is going to be anything but saintly in New York. Get ready for the North American edition of Matinee Halloween, a raucous, post-Halloween party at one of the largest event spaces in New York.

San Francisco: Halo

You won’t find skinny nerds or Google Glass at this massive San Francisco circuit party named after a video game. Instead, get ready to take a journey through history with costumed, Grade-A go-go studs as your guide. If booze, extravagant costumes and a multi-story venue (Mezzanine) aren’t enough, expect a pupil-dilating LED light show to highlight your evening.

Las Vegas: Fetish and Fantasy Halloween Ball

Gay, straight, bi or something else fabulous altogether, you’re welcome at this annual celebration of kink, fetish and fantasy at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. Tickets get you access to three rooms and two levels of Halloween leather fantasy, with kinky shows on the venues stage every fifteen minutes.

Washington, DC: Mixtape, Halloween Edition

Throngs of closeted Republicans in disguise are scheduled to descend on Washington, DC’s historic Howard Theatre for Halloween Mixtape, the city’s longest-running house-hopping party. So grab your costume and get ready to dance the night away to your favorite electro and dance pop in DC’s bumpin’ U Street neighborhood.

Zurich: WE Halloween Weekend

In Zurich you won’t need one costume, but five if you want to keep up with the city’s LGBT-themed Halloween parties: Check out the events that guys go club to club for all night long…if you dare.

London: Exilio

Sometimes the locals in cool London need a bit of Latin heat to get fired up for Halloween. So grab you skimpiest outfit and dance the night away to Salsa, merengue, bachata, reggaeton, cumbia, latin pop and electro latino at the Halloween edition of London’s most popular Latin dance party.

— British thespian Russell Tovey, who plays Kevin on Looking, speaking to Metro

The remainder of the football season at Sayreville War Memorial High School in Sayreville, NJ was effectively cancelled this week after details of the football team’s shocking locker room hazing rituals were reported to police by an anonymous tipster.

The Star-Ledger confirmed details of the rituals, which a parent says “happened almost every day”:

It would start with a howling noise from a senior football player…and then the locker room lights were abruptly shut off.

In the darkness, a freshman football player would be pinned to the locker room floor, his arms and feet held down by multiple upperclassmen. Then, the victim would be lifted to his feet while a finger was forced into his rectum. Sometimes, the same finger was then shoved into the freshman player’s mouth.

The allegations have since been confirmed by the parents of a freshman child who was subjected to the ritual, and has sparked a criminal investigation with Sayreville police.

Though police have only questioned suspected aggressors and victims, Superintendent of Schools Richard Labbe announced the police had collected enough “credible and substantial evidence” to suggest the allegations were true, which was enough to cancel the remainder of the season.

He described the rituals as “incidences of harassment, intimidation and bullying as constituted by the definition within the anti-bullying statute that took place on a pervasive level, on a wide-scale level, and at a level in which the players knew, tolerated, and in general accepted.”

The behavior of athletes in the locker room and further off field has come under scrutiny lately, thanks to TMZ’s efforts to crack down on jock privilege and the unnecessarily sexual coverage of Michael Sam’s drafting into the NFL.

In February, the NFL launched an independent investigation that exposed homophobia and harassment in the Miami Dolphins locker room, which lead to mandated sensitivity training. In July, an Ohio State University marching band director was fired after similar homophobic hazing rituals were found to be commonplace among band members.

But surprisingly, this community seems more outraged by the cancellation of the football season and have protested the decision with the board of education.

One parent of a teen interviewed by police accused coaches of failing to address the situation. He told the board of education he could not “understand how none of the coaches were aware of it. As a coach, you know what’s going on it your clubhouse. You know what’s going on in the locker room.”

Watch Dr. Richard Labbe’s confirmation statement below:

To follow four wonderful appearances from Ellen’s shirtless gardener “Nick” last month, Ellen’s guest DJ Stephen “tWitch” Boss stripped down to his underwear Wednesday to get a full body wax on camera, thus continuing the great new weekly tradition of objectifying Ellen’s male friends.

The 32-year-old dancer/actor and So You Think You Can Dance alum revealed he’s been cast in the upcoming Magic Mike XXL sequel. He says he enjoys showing off his body but isn’t excited to get “waxed from neck to toe,” a requirement for the job.

“I’m really nervous about that,” he said. “I didn’t know that’s what I was signing up for.”

Check it out below, and prepare yourself to see him in even tinier underwear when Magic Mike XXL comes out next August:

Mike Ruiz and his resuce dog Oliver pose for the Show Your Soft Side campaign

Celebrity photographer and former A-List ringleader Mike Ruiz pairs his hottest and most adorable subjects yet in a new “Hunks and Hounds” calendar, which will benefit the Louie’s Legacy Animal Rescue and save puppies from high-kill shelters.

As you can probably tell by now, the calendar features beautiful male models covered in body oil and holding dogs in need of good homes. According to Mike, all of these men are single and also in need of good homes (but probably just for the night).

“The message of the calendar is that we should all be kind to animals and protect them from harm,” he told HuffPo this week. “I just hope that people enjoy the images, and that they are reminded daily that adopting and loving an animal is the most humane thing a person can do. I hope we sell a million so that Louie’s Legacy can broaden their services to be able to help more dogs find forever homes.”

Check out some of the shots below, and head over to LouiesLegacy.org to order your copy today.

Camilo Hatuka and Lenny, photo by Mike Ruiz via HuffPo

Mark Delannoy and Taylor, photo by Mike Ruiz via HuffPo

Brett Azar and Oliver, photo by Mike Ruiz via Facebook

In the mood for more hot guys and hounds? Check out 24 Gay Porn Stars Posing With Puppies.

Nicole Sanders/Nikki Exotika

32-year-old Nicole Sanders is on a mission to create America’s first transgender music act, an all-transwomen girl group called The Secret Girls.

In an interview with Barcroft TV this week, Sanders says she’s been dreaming of assembling an act like The Secret Girls for at least a decade, and imagines it will be “a mixture between the Pussycat Dolls and the Spice Girls with a transgender twist.”

“The world has seen transgender models, transgender actresses, transgender activists, transgender book writers, but no transgender music artists that went mainstream. I think America is past ready for The Secret Girls,” she said.

Nicole is also known as recording artist Nikki Exotika, and first grabbed headlines in 2012 when she told the Daily Mail she had spent over $320,000 on plastic surgery. In the same spirit, she tells Barcroft TV that The Secret Girls will be a stunning collection of diverse women who prove there are “beautiful transgender women who are talented.”

“I want girls of different races because it will grab the attention of those fans, the Latin fans, the Black fans, the Asian fans all around the world,” she says.

To her credit, Nicole is already off to a good start as a future professional pop star because she has one thing every great pop star needs: a super hot boyfriend.

She told HuffPo recently that she has already cast two band members for The Secret Girls and will continue holding nationwide auditions until the group is complete. “So many positive things are happening that I cannot talk about right now,” she wrote on Facebook this week. “Las Vegas better get ready for the #SecretGirls shhhh!!!”

Check out the interview below, which includes an audition from a New Yorker named Mimi:

And below this, you can watch Nikki Exotika perform her single “All Lined Up” at Queens Pride 2014 in New York. Do you think she has what it takes?

A few weeks ago, we got a crash course in gay prison sex. Not the porn version (save that for a rainy day) or what you see in movies and TV, but the real, gritty day-to-day behaviors of men in lockdown.

You can read that account here. But as thorough as it is, the author writes from his experience as a straight inmate, and we were curious to hear the perspective of an openly gay prisoner.

Luckily you can find just about anything on the internet. YouTuber Jacob Kohinoor has a six-part interview series with gay former inmate Devin about his experiences in the slammer. Since we’re guessing you don’t have the hour or so it would take to actually watch them all, we broke it down into some educational tid-bits.

These are his first hand account:

• “In prison, you have all levels of homosexuality…whether you’re open with it, or you’re on the down low, or you’re discreet,” but basically don’t think you’re going to hide anything from anyone, because being surrounded by long-term inmates and other gay prisoners, the truth is going to come out, and quickly.
• “If I’m a girl — and yes they call us girls in there…in prison, we are their wives…This is what they get, this is all they have. You know you have a lot of them who lie and say they have sex with the female guards, but not all of them can do that. You have more homosexuality than what you probably believe.”

How are gay guys treated in jail?

• “Open homosexuals are treated with respect. We run the prison. You can come to me in prison and tell me I’m gay, I’m a sissy, I’m a faggot. I would have you murdered that same hour. You have men in there who are never going to see home, never going to go back to women…Out in the real world you can get away with calling me a fag…In prison we are their wives. We are what they want.”
• Also, trans women are called “titty girls” (even RuPaul won’t go near that word). “They’ve had operations, they’ve been taking hormones, so they have big booties…They’re treated like royalty.”
• Guys think that if they aren’t bottoming, it’s not really “gay.”
• Rape occurs, but not as often as it used to. Or it’s used as currency. If someone owes you something and can’t pay it back, you can “take their ass as payment.” (Yikes.)

Ben Affleck’s full-frontal debut in David Fincher’s Gone Girl has received almost as much press as Ebola, which is fitting since you’re just about as likely to come into firsthand contact with either. And we think it could be the next great movie marketing strategy. Hey, it’s harder than ever to fill a movie theater these days, why not get people excited.

Still reviews have come back disappointed. Not in the film, but the flash — too dark, too short, too brief.

But let’s not forget it isn’t the only full frontal display in the film. Co-star Neil Patrick Harris’ angry inch also pops up on the screen. Two for the price of one.

When asked about the revealing moment, he told Slate, “Apparently, you can, yes. Had I been able to film my scene in a nice steamy, warm shower, perhaps there would’ve been more to talk about. But in my particular circumstance there was a lot of blood flowing…elsewhere.”

Guess you have to see the film to know what he’s talking about.

Sin is in at this year’s Hustlaball, scheduled to take Manhattan by storm this weekend. Pre-parties officially kicked off at the Official Hustlaball Kickoff at The Cock last night. Tonight Boi Party will take over at Berlin at Providence Nightclub with a special lap dance parlor, underwear lounge, plus three floors of good old fashioned fun. Eli Lewis and Bravo Delta host the evening featuring a brand new main floor sound and lighting system. Saturday night head to Adonis Lounge at Evolve, which is New York City’s largest male strip club, with weekly big name performers like Christopher Daniels, Zeb Atlas, Marcus Mojo, Jeremy Walker, and Vin Marco.

On Sunday night all roads lead to Slake, where Tommy Defendi, Austin Wolf, Boomer Banks, JD Phoenix, Jesse Santana, Duncan Black, and over forty performers will get up close and personal with fans, friends and admirers. This year’s Bel Ami VIP Room will be hosted by industry diva Mr. Pam, director of the gay porn mega-site NakedSword.

Be prepared for special performances and a steamy roster of live acts from some of your favorite studios!

Photography by Jeffrey James Keyes

The secret to getting six pack abs is actually not a secret at all, but that doesn’t make the process of getting them the old-fashioned way any easier.

The perfect set of abs are attainable for just about anyone. There are literally thousands of professionals giving step-by-step ab instructions online, and there are entire magazines devoted to coaxing the details out of celebrities ab-splitting workouts. So why don’t we all have them?

Blame it on genes, carbs, lack of discipline or free time; then head directly to Dr. Steinbrech at Male Plastic Surgery New York for ab resculpting. (No joke — high-def ab re-tooling is an actual thing, and all the rage–and creating a set of “boot camp-quality” abs worthy of a gladiator is one of Dr. Steinbrech’s most frequent requests from men).

Check out some of the greatest and most chiseled celebrity abs below, and rest easy knowing you actually don’t need good genes or a gym membership to get your dream physique:

Zac Efron

Summer 2014 will forever be remembered as the summer of Zac Efron’s abs. They invoked a standing ovation at the MTV Movie Awards, they went on an adventure with Bear Grylls, they hit the beach, they vacationed in Italy — what did Zac Efron’s abs not do this summer?

Zac’s stomach is probably largely influenced by his genes; he has the kind of impossible stone-cutting abs that make grooves, ditches, and you-know-whats when he lies down. But if you’re willing to try, you can read about his trainer-required workouts and incredibly strict diet plan at Men’s Health.

Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds movies typically make a lot of money at the box office because they prominently feature Ryan Reynolds’ abs. They became a pop culture topic in 2005 with the release of The Amityville Horror, and in 2010’s Buried, they managed to make an appearance even though the entire movie was filmed inside a coffin.

In 2010, Ryan told Men’s Health that his glorious physique was a result of excellent nutrition. No carbs, no sugar, and plenty of “L-glutamine, conjugated linoleum acid 9 (CLA), whey, and a multivitamin.” Piece of cake!

Usher

Usher has consistently stayed on top of the music industry since the beginning of his career, and luckily for us, his abs have remained just as consistent. Don’t act like you don’t remember his oft-shirtless performances during the late 90s, or any one of the videos he’s gone shirtless for since.

Usher revealed a detailed breakdown of his intense circuit training back in 2012, but he’s taken up boxing more recently, posting photos of his training sessions often on Instagram.

Chris Pratt

The most amazing thing about Chris Pratt’s abs are how quickly they spawned out of thin air (just kidding, we’re sure he worked very hard for those things).

The 34-year-old Guardians of the Galaxy star transformed from his adorably dorky Parks & Rec character into a massive, heaving muscle man this year and capturing our hearts in the process. In July, he told Men’s Health he dropped 60 pounds in six months by eating right, lifting heavy, and skipping the beer.

Aaron Schock

You can discuss your disapproval of Illinois state Representative Aaron Schock’s anti-gay political history and whether he’s as gay as the New York Times says he is until you’re blue in the face, but there’s no denying the incredible eight pack on this young Republican is something to be admired. We’d call it the greatest set of abs to ever hold public office.

Some could even say it was Shock’s incredible six pack that started the incessant gay rumors that still haunt him. He’s had a hard time claiming his heterosexuality since they appeared on the cover of Men’s Health, all over Instagram, and most recently, deep in a pool with some male West Point cadets.

Tom Daley

It would almost be sacrilegious to create a list of incredible abs and snub ab king Tom Daley. Sure, the 20-year-old Olympic diver may have had a lot of help crafting his perfectly flat stomach throughout the years, but there’s no doubt he’s got one of the finest set of abs around. Tom’s abs are so famous, their mere mention depresses roughly 80% of people commenting on any Queerty post about Tom Daley’s abs.

We’re sure that he’s got a very sound workout routine, not that he’d ever share that with us common folk. We’re afraid if you want abs like Tom Daley, you’d simply have to be Tom Daley.

Mehcad Brooks

It’s strange that Mehcad Brooks doesn’t have a more successful acting career, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from this list, it’s that six pack abs are usually a one-way ticket to superstardom. This man’s torso is so physically flawless, we’re not surprised he began his showbiz career as a Calvin Klein underwear model.

In 2013, he dished to paparazzi about what makes his body so perfect. The secret, apparently, is proper nutrition and healthy eating. We’re starting to notice a pattern here…